Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
