i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
