That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
