I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
