In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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