for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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