I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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