tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
