Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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