my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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