Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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