I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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