I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
