i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
