i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
