I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
