yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
