he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
