I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
