were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they need to just BURY HIM!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
