martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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