Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
