you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
