There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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