his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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