He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
