i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
