do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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