Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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