I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
