It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to rekindle our bromance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
