im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
