I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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