wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
