hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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