hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
