Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize