Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
