Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
