I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
