I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
