I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
