So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
