I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
