I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
