I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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