Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
