Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
