'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
