who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
