thus making me awesome and them whores
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
