Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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