toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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