then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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