My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
