im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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