I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
