My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
