I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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