Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
