do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my liver is dry heaving
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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