It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
