This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
being pregnant is like rehab
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
