Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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