Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
